Articles
Who's Leading Whom?
Who’s Leading Whom?
by Perry Hall
After WWII, a new family unit was created—the teenager. Before that, "teens" didn't exist as a celebrated age. Before that, "teens" were young adults. Since then, the trauma of war-torn youth has led to the coddling of teens. That has led to a verse you might be very familiar with: Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but follow them as they retrain and reinstruct you in the new ways of the Lord. No, I don't mean you are biblically familiar with this verse; I mean you see it commonly happening.
- How many parents and grandparents follow their children to a new church they know is not in the Lord? They do this out of a misplaced hope of staying connected.
- How often do the parents and grandparents convince themselves, "If we disapprove of where they want to go, they won't go anywhere? Isn't someplace better than no place?" Nope, ask Jeroboam.
- How familiar are situations today where parents give in to a morality that is immoral because it is emotionally based? This is a twisted version of love where the promoters no longer believe God has their best interests at heart. How did that work for Eve?
There are too many fathers especially, but also mothers, who have neglected even the verses before this mangled verse:
- "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this right" (Ephesians 6:1). Children aren't incapable of understanding; otherwise, Paul wouldn't have addressed them directly. Talk to your children and be upfront. Show them God's ways are your ways.
- "Honor your mother and father" (Ephesians 6:2). Children need to be taught that they don't come first, that they don't run the family, and that their happiness is not the number one goal. Honor is a weighted respect that keeps us from drifting like an anchor.
- "Which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land" (Ephesians 6:2-3). Actions have consequences, both good and bad. But if our actions are based upon promises and blessings, then our children need to know there is someone greater than themselves they have to please, but more importantly, want to please.
Now, here is the verse in its context and quoted as it should be - "Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Children will always get angry when they don't get their way. Fathers, that's not your fault. In the end, the way to not make your children get angry while teaching them is:
- Giving them a parent worth obeying by obeying God yourself.
- Being honorable makes it easier to be honored.
- Living for the promises of God yourself.
- Controlling yourself so that your priority in training your children is their relationship to God based upon God's ways, not theirs, and not yours.
Churches have lost their way when they are led by children. Churches are not here to serve children but to teach our children to serve God and others—including those who are unlike them, including their parents. That is how we serve our children!
Why are churches losing their children? Is it because when they become adults, they are no longer prioritized and served and are instead not prepared to serve?
May we all be what our children need, which is to be led according to God's ways. Too many Christians are perpetually "spiritual teens." Our children deserve better because they are precious.
